What motivates a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder – RAD?

To oversimplify it, most children are motivated by a longing for approval and connection. In early childhood they seek the approval of parents and other caregivers and the relationships they have with this people drive their motivations.

They are also driven by an innate drive to learn, explore and grow. (11) Emotions related to these drives and connections are powerful motivators, and can often be leveraged in the classroom along with connection to drive classroom behavior. (12)

Children who have been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, hence forth referred to as RAD, have a disconnect with attachment that leads them not to trust connections, and disrupts these basic motivations.

Because of this, it is essential to understand the motivation for these children to understand the best way to maintain classroom functionality.

At the core children with RAD are motivated on a more basic level to either gain or avoid something.

Key Motivators for Children with RAD:

Success and Mastery: Experiences of success, even small ones, can boost self-esteem and motivation. Providing opportunities for the child to develop skills and achieve goals can be empowering. [8]

Control and Predictability: Due to early experiences of inconsistency and lack of control, children with RAD often seek to exert control over their environment. Predictable routines, clear expectations, and opportunities for choice can be motivating. [1, 2]

Safety and Security: A feeling of safety is paramount. Creating a calm, nurturing environment where the child feels safe and protected can help build trust and increase their willingness to engage. [3, 4]

Connection and Belonging: Despite their difficulties with attachment, children with RAD still have a fundamental need for connection. Building a trusting relationship with a caregiver or therapist can be a powerful motivator. [5, 6]

Sensory Regulation: Many children with RAD have difficulty regulating their sensory input. Providing sensory-rich activities and opportunities for movement can be motivating and help them feel more grounded. [7]

Important Considerations:

• Avoid Power Struggles: Children with RAD may try to engage in power struggles as a way to gain control. It’s important to avoid these and instead focus on collaboration and problem-solving. [2]
• Focus on Positive Reinforcement: Positive reinforcement and praise for desired behaviors can be more effective than punishment. [9]
• Be Patient and Understanding: Building trust and connection takes time. Patience, consistency, and unconditional positive regard are crucial. [10]

Practical Tips

But what does this mean when you are in the thick of things? What are some practical tips in the moment?

• Avoid confronting a lie – this is the way the child is protecting themselves in a situation. Confronting the lie, especially in front of peers often escalates the situation.
• Give two choices that you are okay with. The act of the child choosing gives them a sense of control. For example: Would you like to read a book for five minutes, or get started on your Math homework?
• Give choices whenever possible – Consistently giving choice will increase the feeling of control, and when it matters, it is more likely the child will follow a command.
• Understand that talking about human emotions and connection may not work. I have often had kids with RAD respond that it is not their job to make some feel good, happy, etc. Connection is not a driving factor.
• Study up on B.F.Skinner and operant conditioning. Techniques from this philosophy are especially pertinent to children with attachment issues.

For other resources like this Search for RAD in the FREE Community.

Citations and Sources

[1] Bath, H. (2008). Helping children with attachment difficulties in school. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

[2] Blaustein, M. & Kinniburgh, K. (2010). Treating traumatic stress in children and adolescents: How to foster resilience through attachment, self-regulation, ¹ and competency. Guilford Press.

[3] Hughes, D. A. (2007). Attachment-focused parenting: Effective strategies to care for children. W. W. Norton & Company. [4] Purvis, K. B., Cross, D. R., & Sunshine, W. L. (2007). The connected child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family. McGraw-Hill.

[5] Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2006). The boy who was raised as a dog: And other stories from a child psychiatrist’s notebook. Basic Books. ²

[6] Jernberg, A. M., & Booth, P. B. (2001). Theraplay: Helping parents and children build better relationships through attachment-based play. ³ Jossey-Bass.

[7] Kranowitz, C. S. (2005). The out-of-sync child: Recognizing and coping with sensory processing disorder. Penguin Books.

[8] Cozolino, L. (2014). The neuroscience of human relationships: Attachment and the developing social brain. W. W. Norton & Company.

[9] Bomber, L. M. (2002). Inside I’m hurting: Practical strategies for supporting children with attachment difficulties. Worth Publishing.

[10] Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.

[11] Loewenstein, G. (1994). The psychology of curiosity: A review and reinterpretation. Psychological Bulletin, 116(1), 75.

[12] Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, ⁹ 56(3), 218.